wilted roses & poems 🥀

You do not have to be good You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. I have moral scrupulosity. It’s a type of OCD. And the truth is, explaining it through words is nearly impossible. Some things can only be explained through pain. My moral scrupulosity has tortured me for years. I question how long I’ve actually had it, looking back on my childhood and realizing how obsessive and compulsive I was about being “good”. There’s a good chance I’ve struggled with this mostly my whole life. I say that guilt is the worst feeling in the world. When I feel guilty, shame rises up in my throat like fire. It literally burns, physically. It physically hurts me. At a certain point in life, without a single close friend, I came to the false conclusion that the only one I truly had was myself. And what if I were to betray myself? What if I, the most important and crucial part of my futur...

I was not raised Christian, nor was I really raised atheist. I grew up with no real expectations for what religion I may or may not be a part of when I got older. I’m grateful for that, because it’s given me freedom and clarity to choose my own path. However, growing up with a choice is actually quite frightening at times. I wanted many times to pray, but I didn’t know who to pray to. Much of my family is Christian, and so the only spiritual being I could think to pray to was God. But I never had a clear or close connection with God. I believe in and respect the existence of all gods, but I do not worship or feel a connection to all gods. I felt lost for a little while, having no one I knew to pray to. One of the only things I knew I believed in for certain was angels. I had been told since I was young that they would watch over and protect me, and I felt many times that they were doing so. I still feel that way, and angels are very important to me. I was lucky in that I had several ve...

  In 1974, the Council of American Witches gathered to create the document titled “Principles of Wiccan Beliefs”. One particular principle on this list is still argued over amongst traditional and eclectic witches today: “We conceive of the Creative Power in the universe as manifesting through polarity -- as masculine and feminine -- and that this same Creative Power lies in all people, and functions through the interaction of the masculine and feminine.”     It is important to recognize that this polarity of masculine and feminine can be seen in other religions as well. The issue is with how people interpret this belief and whether or not they harm others because of it.     What I personally wonder is, does this exclude people? There is no mention of transgender and gender non-conforming people in this principle. However, could this principle stand to use some editing? An update, maybe? Is this really still an accurate representation of the witchcraft...

tired was the young flower worn out was he traveling day by day living in a joyful fantasy not silent was the other careful and measured steps walking beside poppy she lives, and breathes, and accepts silent was the wind that day the day chrysanthemum grew weary until only sunlight filled the room and passers-by ‘came teary she is at present a delicate flower rushing daintily through the wind swept up in the after throughout the air, petals spin poppy is now a lonely one drifting through the world, lost thinking, breathing, wondering how forcefully his heart was tossed not silent was the other careful and measured steps walking beside poppy she lives, and breathes, and accepts

Do you actually have OCD? Or do you think it’s just a good adjective to use to describe your tidiness and organization skills, or wanting a picture frame even on a wall? The popularity of this phrase indicates that majority of the people saying it likely do not actually have OCD. And if they do have a mental disorder, a more accurate comparison would honestly be OCPD (an excessive need for things to be tidy and in their place). OCD can be extremely debilitating. Unless you have OCD, saying things like “I’m so OCD” makes the pain of OCD look minimal. Sometimes it is even used in marketing or on social media and is described as a desirable character trait. It is not. OCD is a debilitating mental disorder. Do you actually know what OCD is? Yes, for some people order and cleanliness can be an obsession and compulsion. However, there are so many other types of OCD. I personally have moral scrupulosity, a type of OCD that makes me question every single small action and decision in my life to...